Before the start of a new year I like to set goals and aspirations for the coming year; some years I accomplish every goal set and other years when I don’t I move the unaccomplished one forward to change it. I had goals in mind to achieve this year but entering the New Year I couldn’t seem to put them down because of the pain I knew 2017 was bringing.
I had already lost a lot entering the new year and although I have heard people say suck it up, move on with my life and that everything happens for a reason which I may never understand but that doesn’t diminish the pain I experience every day or when I run into someone and I get asked ‘Why are you here?’.
There have been times I have sat to think about what I want from this year but it has been hard coming up with something because of pain. I have soon realised that pain in the indicator that brokenness exist. It has also been a gift that is motivating me to fight with brave tenacity and determination knowing that there is healing on the other side.
In the present moments, I have been trying to find beauty everywhere I go as I have always done back home but it has been a struggle because it is easy to find beauty when you have everything and things are going well for you but when you have nothing and you still choose not to give up, that is where the beauty lies. True beauty in life is found in the nothing moments and though I somewhat find it hard to see something beautiful, I pray to God that He opens my eyes past my pain to see the beauty that is right in front of me. I don’t want to miss those moments again.
It has been hard deciding and writing down what my goal for 2017 will be because of the losses I have encountered. I had plan to write more, dance more and reach people more through Christ’s love in different ways and right now I still do believe I can do that. There is a lot more writing, dancing and reaching people but it wont just be the way I imagined it; it would be far better as it would be through God’s way with a lot of beautiful things and people around me and that seems like a better goal for 2017 than the one I had in mind.