November has always been a thanksgiving month especially for our American family. A few weeks ago, I had something planned out to write about the list of things I was thankful for but on the first of November, I woke up with a not-so-thankful heart.

Everyday before I go to bed, I have a tradition of writing what I am thankful for that day. Well Friday came and I was struggling to write something I was grateful for. You see I had a meeting that day that left me crying till midnight. The words “I’m so sorry Esther, there’s nothing we can do to help you” kept playing over and over in my head.

I sat on my bed thinking to myself ‘what am I to be thankful for?’ I prayed so hard for this dream, I fought so hard and finally was given the opportunity only for me to watch it die a couple of months later; I walked away that day more broken than I came with a wound so deep I can’t even talk about because it hurt even thinking about it: I had no fight left in me.

But here is thing I have learnt just after that day: Gratitude is not natural. It is not an attitude that you pick up; it is something that you practice and then it becomes a part of you just like Faith. “The happiest people are not the ones that have the best of everything but they make the most of everything they have and they are grateful for it“.

I have been doing some thinking about gratitude and I have found that there are different levels of gratitude. There was a time when I was thankful for the blessings God gave me (still am) but now I stand at a crossroad: Now I stand with my broken heart, broken dream and a lot of mess around me- will I still worship Him even though it doesn’t make sense? Will I still have that grateful heart with all this pain I carry? Will I still bless His name even though I feel like He isn’t listening to me? David wrote psalm 23 not on the mountaintop but in his valley.

So I have come to a conclusion, I will continue to worship my God because He is good and does good. I will continue to be grateful even when I don’t feel grateful. Here are a few things I am thankful for:

I am thankful for the gift of life

I am thankful for the fact that I have hands, feet, eyes, ears, nose etc. that are functioning well

I am thankful that I have a roof over my head and food on my plate that I can eat

I am thankful the amazing friends that I have been blessed with who are walking on this crazy journey with me

I am thankful for my family!!!

I am thankful for the small village I live in because everyday I see the hand of God in it when I go for a walk

I am thankful for the fact that Jesus loved me so much, He came to earth to die on the cross to buy me back from sin

I am thankful for the fact that I am alive to write this, which means that I haven’t lost the battle, and I know God is on my side (there is hope for the living).

I am thankful for the opportunity to share my heart and journey with you guys because it has been a blessing doing this.

O give thanks unto the Lord for His mercies endures forever.

What are you thankful for this day? Let me know in the comment section below