So for a few days now I have been contemplating on taking a break from my writing because I have been trying to figure a few things out that I have been struggling with for sometime now.
I really do find it hard to fight this battle because I feel like every time I try, I sink further. I was asked this question a few days ago “What is the one subject you know about the most, the one you can talk about even in your sleep; the particular thing you know like the back of your hand?” I stopped for a minute to think really hard and the answer that popped out of my mouth sent me into tears. Brokenness and Pain. I know them like the back of my hand.
Just when I feel like I have gotten my life back on track and I know where I want to be, the mess comes back harder knocking me off my feet. It is easy to deal with a mess you know you created but when you happen to find yourself in one that wasn’t created by you, you lose track of everything. I hurt! I hurt badly.
When I first started this blog, it was a way of releasing the pain I felt in my heart that I had been bottling up for a long time and also a way to build my faith in God. Right now I feel like the girl back then only that the pain is greater this time.
Fear had me thinking it would be best if I did quit for sometime to pull myself from the sinking pit I was headed but then I thought “How would I release the pain?” You see I am not very good at expressing how I feel until it is written down somewhere.
I had lunch with one of my amazing friends a few days ago and I was sharing how I feel. I told her I just feel like every time I think things can’t be as bad as they already are, they become worse than what it was and I feel like I am sinking in too deep. I feel like everything I ever worked hard for and loved is been snatched away from me and I was watching it burn to piece with my very heart.
She said to me ‘when you feel like you are sinking, the best thing to do is to stand’. Stand in the fact that you are loved by God, stand in the fact that God is well able to see you through the trial and you will definitely make it.
Life can take a lot out of you every time a curveball is thrown but here is what I have learnt “Never let it take your Hope”. Keep pressing, I know this too shall pass.
So I have decided to Stand and not let fear take over. Stand in fact that this is not the end of my blog; Stand in faith that God will come through for me, that He hasn’t set me up to fail. Though I may be broken but not for long. Though it hurts like hell but not for long. Though it may feel like the world and even God is against me but not for long. I will do the one thing I know. STAND!!
I will stand in God’s word and on this little faith I have, in the end I will make it and then I will Stand in Victory. So stay tuned and I will continue to do my weekly post.
Love and Light
Oreoluwa Esther xo.