Born and wrapped into your hands, you held me with so much care and love, you planted kisses on my cheeks and carried me while I cried, trying to rock myself to sleep. When I was still as a baby you were there, holding me, making me laugh, you played with me so much that I figured we’d be best friends when I grew up. But something happened.
I am not sure what happened but I knew it did. I asked around looking for answers but got none. As I grew up you withdrew your love and care. What did I do to you that was unforgivable? I drew closer and closer but you went farther and farther. I tried to get your attention, I know I did it the wrong way but still it never bothered you and you just shut your heart towards me.
There were days I cried myself to sleep, still sometimes do. I tried to get even a clue of what happened to us but I couldn’t find any. I didn’t want to give up on us because I still believe love survives the toughest of days until I noticed it was no longer love in your eyes but bitterness and anger. How could your soft warm eyesand heart turn so cold, just like that?
My heart craved your love, your touch and your kiss so much that I had to go out to look for something that would fill my craving and then the mistake was made. I got hurt badly, I ran to you to comfort me and walk with me as I healed but you pushed me aside and I walked away more broken than I came. Why won’t you tell me what I did that made you so angry with me and I would apologise and we could go back to the way it was while I was a toddler? I miss those days. The memory is fading and I don’t want to lose them. Please come back because I need your help. I wanted you to be there while I chose my first date and my first boyfriend. I wanted you to be the first person I would tell when I had my first kiss but all that is gone and you weren’t there. I still don’t mind, you could still help me be the most beautiful girl I used to be.
I still can’t believe I finished secondary school, my result came in and I did well. I thought you would be proud of me, but when you saw my results you walked away like nothing had happened. My graduation day came, I was so excited, I couldn’t wait for both of us to leave the house all dressed up but you said to my face you wouldn’t be attending and watched me walk out of the door without running after me. What is the point of graduating when you wouldn’t tell me you were proud of me, when all I wanted was to be your princess again.
I’d give the world up and my education and success to be with you, to hear you call me your queen. All my life, I’d long for you to look me in my eyes and tell me you loved me and you’d give up everything for me and I was the best thing that happened to you since slice bread. I dreamt of you teaching me how to ride a bikeor a car, I dreamt of the way your face looked when I walked down the stairs as I was leaving for my prom, but all that never happened because you stopped loving me.
Could you please tell me what I did that was so wrong? What was it about my eyes, cheeks, and the way I laughed or sang that made you to withdraw from me? You broke my heart long before you walked out of that door and never returned. Could you help me understand why you still haven’t called or sent me a text? Howcould you be okay with seeing me broken and turning a blind eye?
I sought your look through those men that showed me one sign of care and I just wanted to feel the love I felt while I was a child. The memories are fading along with you and I still love you. Sometimes, I try to act the way you do, not caring about peoples’ feelings but I just can’t help it. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of you but the questions still remains Do You Still Love me? I think I know the answer now that I am an adult.
I know Lord, that you feel our pain and this one isn’t something that can be solved easily. I know that you have great plans and thoughts for us and all things work together for our good. I know that before the foundation of the world, you knew this would happen and you wrote our story. Even though we had to go through this painful moment, we have come to realise that with you, it will be fine in the end for you are the best father or mother we would ever need. Amen!